I want Rockingham Park to become a casino.
*gasp*
I know. A revelation such as this is shocking coming from someone who's book is endorsed by Jenny McCarthy and not allowed in the waiting room of dentist offices.
I would like the park to become a casino because I am quickly running out of places that serve me free drinks. That is actually NOWHERE except other casinos in Connecticut and Montreal, Canada and my buddy's cookout this past weekend. To be honest with you, I probably could have done with a few LESS few drinks there, but that's a different article entirely.
I know there are a lot of political reasons why the recent bill was canned, but mainly I think Salem politicians - as a whole - are still stuck in "Moonlite Mentality."
What's Moonlite Mentality?
Well, sit right there fine sir and let me tell you. You might want to get comfortable and hopefully you can stand metaphors and humor and - obviously - run-on sentences.
The year was 1982. Or 1983. I honestly don't know what year it was because I'm old and my Google search came up empty on this.
Regardless, a new 'adult' store named 'Moonlite Reader' wanted to open it's doors to the public in - OF ALL PLACES - Salem, NH.
O_O
This? This was AN OUTRAGE. AN OUTRAGE! *raises fist to sky*
I can remember a huge public outcry:
Porn brings crime!
Porn brings riff-raff!
Salem will be RUINED!
What's next? GAMBLING?!
How much are your videos?
Sorry. That last one was my own outcry. This is why I'm not allowed at protests any more.
I can remember the newspaper articles in both the local Salem papers and even the Lawrence Eagle Tribune. Townsfolk were in a frenzy about an adult store opening in their quaint little town. Protesters - with signs - roamed Route 28 claiming "NOT IN OUR TOWN!"
The writing was on the wall if this place opened it's doors:
No longer would children be able to safely walk the streets. Crime would skyrocket. We would have to double our police force. Fires would burn and our cute little tax-free corner of the state would become another soulless version of Las Vegas but without a place where we could watch Cirque de Soleil.
And then? And then the town realized that they could not legally stop the store from opening. And it opened.
And..well..nothing happened.
Crime didn't skyrocket. Riff-raff didn't invade the town. Graffiti didn't line sides of buildings. Kids still rode their bikes. Men and women who would normally buy their adult things over the border while wearing trench coats and sunglasses instead just bought them at Moonlite Reader wearing trench coats and sunglasses. Then they would go home and - surprisingly - not kill anyone on the way.
Go figure.
As a side note, my book has a story about my experience going into that store. They sell CORN COB PIPES, PEOPLE. CORN COB PIPES. How can a store that sells snowman supplies be all that bad? Right. IT CAN'T.
So, sure - I know a lot of the politicians who voted against the casino bill talk about it 'not being right' or 'not having the best interests of the town or state' in mind. But I have a feeling that - deep down - these old codgers are still stuck in the Moonlite Mentality.
Not in my town. It will invite the riff-raff! It will invite crime! It will DESTROY LIVES!
I don't think so.
But, even if it does, at least I'll get a free drink out of it.
